The pooper

As you could see from the pictures down below - Luke's wedding was a good time. I certainly had a blast - enjoyed seeing his old friends and meeting some of the new ones. There was one I kept hearing ask Luke to introduce us - I didn't think much about it because in fact he was very very drunk. Anyway - he was very drunk again at the reception the next night... so drunk he had that really really far away look that makes you wonder if you'll end up with some vomit on you.

After the reception most of us who weren't newly married went on to celebrate at the boys bachelor cabin. While there I just started crying - for no reason. Oh wait - the reason was I drank too much. THen the phone rang and it was the Lodge (the host of the wedding and reception) and they said... "Does anyone know Justin ____ ?" So I put down the phone and hollered to see if his friends would come forward. I knew it was the really drunk guy...anyway the woman on the phone "Well, he's passed out in the laundry room, and we were hoping some of his friends might be around to come take care of him. We've tried pouring water on him etc." Anyway, I found one friend of his that refused to leave the party and stop hitting on teenage girls (my cousins). So the job fell to someone else - not me, but that person is likely going to heaven.

A couple of weeks later I went to visit one of the other bridesmaids in AR. We got calls from the newlyweds and text messages saying - Lacey, there's a guy out there who has a crush on you, do you want us to call him - but he pooped his pants. Turns out there's a rumor that the guy who had passed out had also crapped his pants at some point during the wedding evening. So this all became too much and we decided to find out the source of the rumor - perhaps Gabe had just yelled at him calling him a pooper or he was found in the laundry amidst a mess of his own feces. I don't know. Regardless, the b-maid decided it would be fun to tell everyone that I had a date with a pooper. We went to a football party and she kept saying, "We have to leave because Lacey has a date with a pooper." Awesome...and there was no date with a pooper.

Cardiology?

My friend gave me an anatomical heart jello mold and this is the result, my heart on a platter. It wiggled and jiggled appropriately with a delicious cherry flavor.

More of the same...

Ah yes... I'm still alive looking less sharp and more like a slob. The dark under eye circles are darker and the moisturizer more expensive. It's second year and now we're doing more in the realm of actual clinical medicine - which means I get to find more diseases I might possibly have. The one I have my eye on is Von Willebrand Disease - it would mean that my platelets don't stick - and explain my easy bruising. The pathology professor (famous Dr. Goljan) said that 2 ladies in the room probably had it - and I'm dying to be one of them. The other fun part of school is that we're doing more shadowing, we have weekly fake patients on paper, and then live ones that pretend to have a chief complaint. I ended up with an 86yo gentleman who had some issues with dementia, lack of energy and a dribbly stream. Even though he took it all out of me - he won me over end the end by asking if I danced - and telling me that I could be his doctor one day! woot woot!!

I wish I could think of some more entertaining stories - I have a few tidbits from the bros...
- Chris...I went with him to purchase a new car. This meant that I had to be on good behavior and share my limited opinion because he was looking at Kia's and Chevy Cobalts and Impalas. Well the one he settled on was an electric blue chevy impala- a true pimp mobile complete with tinted windows. I test drove with him and the salesman. Chris chatted him up on current sales of the Cube and Altima (it was at a Nissan dealer) - and even mentioned he had once had an 88 Nissan Sentra. He explained that it was grandma's and she gave it to us after she couldn't drive it anymore. I nicely reminded him that we got it because she died. Woops. Some things are painful I guess.

-Luke...He is off in newly married man land - living the dual income life in Dallas. A couple weeks back I was drunk on a date and while the young man was in the restroom I checked my phone and noticed a message that Luke wanted to host me for thanksgiving. My dream thanksgiving - and Millie even said it would just be the three of us. I had fantasies of waking up and going shopping in Dallas at the Galleria. I liked the idea of just skipping all the fuss and forced family conversations. Well - after my fantasies ran wild - I found out that it was all a joke and I was pretty pissed. I told Mom - who was upset I'd want to do something else for tgiving - and then I told Millie I was peeved they'd taken advantage of me in my drunken and vulnerable state. She apologized and told me not to drink so much. Awesome.

- Gabe... He had surgery on his knee to clean out some debris a few weeks ago. He came to visit for a concert and was drunk the whole time and limping. In the shadows he looked like a return of the dead zombie that just wouldnt die - and rather than sucking your blood he wants all your beer. So I gave it to him. Anyway I recommend everyone do the same.

- Mom...Dad- Dad retired so Mom didn't. All this means is that we will finally feel the effects of the recession. Ugh. I like to spend my free time thinking of possible retirement jobs for him. My best fit so far is Limo Driver. Other fantasies include Self Service Frozen Yogurt franchise owner. Traveling Fair food vendor. He thinks he wants to substitute teach - I think he would be eaten alive. He knows that Wal-Mart greeter is always an option - though he'd probably prefer Sams because he's run into some experienced retirees there.

- Me... ???? I'll see what I can think up.

Back to studying

I've been back in the habit of school for a month or so now... it's not fun, I promise. I'm a stress management group leader, maybe not the best role model. Anyhow, I baked them (first year med students) a cake before their anatomy test. Here is a fun picture showing how it turned out. I secretly want to be a cake designer if all this doesn't work out... I think I'd have a ways to go.

Best of...Rehearsal Dinner Edition

The lovely couple shown here are quite literally close to my heart. My little bro and his fiance made it official in a remote mountainous setting this weekend. It was the biggest little wedding there ever was with parties going all night long, hot tubs with barely any water left, and young teenagers pissing the night away. I wanted to share the highlights of what people missed of the rehearsal dinner.

• Lacey and Blythe serving drinks to persons who think we can control the fact that there is no more ice to chill the white wine. We quickly learned that Franzia's new spigot spews at an angle. Note that Franzia also makes a Sangria that is quite tasty.
  

• The sexy photo taking began instantly - the windblown sexy look a la bathroom hand dryer - the marshmallow in my cheek look - and many more

• 
  
  
  
  



• We applied portraits of the bride and groom to all body parts. Sarah got a tatoo of baby lukey. I had the pictures on my boobs, bum, and anywhere else.
  
  

• People drinking out of frisbees, slamming wine bags, floating kegs and exposing chests.
  




• There is a new ribbon in town - it stands for SINGLEHOOD AWARENESS!! (That's the ribbob on my wrist, the black dots stand for all the good people out there not getting any)










• There's nothing like finding out when shower fresh turns stale

Mom's got a new pair of Spanx!

And she's a new woman! I think she finally believes. The other day we were going to run errands and she said, ' Hey Lacey, are we still going to Target?' I replied with an emphatic yes! because I knew it may be a chance to get her to by me stuff. And then she said, 'Ok, let me get some underwear on.' Keep in mind she was dressed when I was talking to her.

On the same trip, we spent lots of time trying to pick out deodorant for one of my nameless brothers who has not been wearing any. We scoured for male sensitive skin versions, and then my mom decided to go with a lovely container of Ban - from the women's deodorant section. How great would it be to have your mom buy you women's deodorant if you were indeed a stinky man. I guess she believes in the motto of Secret. I had to continually go over the invisible line between male products and female products.

At the end of our trip she was trying to sway me with impulse snacks and drinks. 'Lacey, do you want a mocha lotty?' To which I laughed and replied, 'No, you smoke a lotty.' Someday we plan to sip a mocha latte together instead.

I'm going into the business of self portraits. It's lucrative (and a funny joke). Seriously, I might start leading some workshops. It will be like self help - teaching people to learn their angles and to never let someone else take a photo without approval.

As for this picture, it was taken from the part of the workshop where you dress up in what you will wear to your brother's rehearsal dinner, lament that you don't even have a date, and then take a picture to see if you are worthy of one.

Didn't want to get my 'fillings' hurt

Remember that Sex in the City episode where Miranda starts dating the guy that stands on the corner wearing the hot dog suit?? Don't get too excited, there's no hot dog -- but his name is Captain SuperTooth! Maybe you've heard of him. I spent most of my morning flirting with the captain - he used to date the tooth fairy but he got sick of her paying for everything in quarters so they parted ways. Anyway - this is really another story of a hit and miss situation. My friend kept bugging me to give the captain my digits...and you know what - I chickened out. And now I sit thinking of how we could have flossed together. I swear I will just go for it next time even if he is an actor that dresses up as a tooth on occasion.

***Update***

I've thought about this situation all day, why I am so retarded??? So I thought maybe I could recover. I decided to write a missed connection on Craigslist - 1) because I thought it would be funny and 2) he'll never see it. And if he does I will sure as hell blog about it. Here is what I wrote.

'Is that a molar or are you just happy to see me?'

Dear Captain Supertooth -

I was the girl who once wanted to be the tooth fairy, and you guy that once dated the tooth fairy. I was impressed by your witty sense of humor. I realize you've got to have some tough enamel in the business you are in. Give me a shout if you don't want to floss alone.

WhiteCaped Girl