Headed through the big D and I don't mean Dallas!!

There are lots of bad 'D' words out there. The first one and most forboding and completely not applicable to my situation - divorce. It actually looks like a really bad word - divisive within itself, but lets all fuhgeddaboutit. Another big 'D' word I heard a couple weeks back - dandruff. I wanted to hug my hair cut lady for having the balls to bring it up, instead I bought $60 worth of product that probably doesn't work. The last and worst 'D' word- depression. Yep, I think I have it as told to me by therapist woman and I didn't want to hug her or buy anything. So now what - the only thing I can think is 'F'! Now I am trying to find some drugs I guess. Any suggestiones?

Supplies!!

So - this past weekend the main man 'R' turned 30. And that was a BFD! For a few months his sister, mom and I had been planning a surprise deal to be held in SE Kansas. When we first started planning I wasn't sure I'd be able to contact his friends to make it happen or even be able to keep it a secret. Up to the very minute that we pulled into his parents' place last Friday I had not made a peep about the event. He was all kinds of confused, mad, emotional. On the way up there he had even wondered aloud if his parents still liked him. I knew they did, but he wasn't sure. The party had a shrimp boil and beer theme. He stuck closer to the beer. My brothers Chris and Gabe both came with their ladies.
One by one the party started to thin and the two left swaying next to the keg were Gabe and the man 3am The man was tickled to be hanging with Gabeman - who had maybe only said hi one time in the last year. Both were trashed and non-focusable but enjoying themselves. Finally we put them to bed, but not before 'R' induced vomitus. Gabe went to bed stone cold. Well once I laid down I started to cough and got up for a cough drop - but smelled vomit. It was Gabe - he had puked in his sleep and his girlfriend was frantic to help him. He was coated in vomit down to his underwear. I got him down to his skivvies and socks and he continued to vomit outside. By 4 am I was washing his clothes and sheets and by 4:30am it was time to give Gabe a hose down. So his gf and I snuck down to the basement to a separate shower got him stripped and turned on the water. We left him naked and shut the bathroom door - and then all of a sudden heard a crash. He had managed to pull off the shower door. In panic, all I could do was make him to continue to shower while I held the door as a shield in front of his naked body - I tried really hard not to look at his junk. Really hard I swear, because that's gross. Let's just say black diamond thru smoky glass. So he rinsed and was still not even able to get a towel around his own body so I wrapped it around him and moved him to sit on the toilet while I fixed the shower door. Anywho he was still drunk and disorderly through all this half about to puke and half just let drool roll down his lips. He eventually tired and once the laundry was done I got him back on the air mattress in clean sheets by 6am. He had even soaked puke juice all the way to air mattress - luckily R's mom had tons of cleaning product and even pet odor remover powder that I poured on it. One odor I couldn't fix was his breath, and he kept threatening his gf with a smooch, out of desperation I put my last available half sucked cough drop from my mouth into his. His gf thanked me.

Anyway I thought it was a good story. Really hope bro doesn't have herpes - because I thought I saw a pimple. I really like his gf, she's a good chick, hopefully she sticks around.

BFDs

Oh my. Where do I begin??? Or not. Maybe I could just jump right in. Biggest detail, I have a bf. And so this blog was probably my bf before I got a bf. All the things that are funny or pointless or ridiculous I now just tell him. Lucky him! Unlucky you! or not.

The year in numbers:
- # boyfriends - 1 (!)
- # weddings attended - 6
- # hernias - 0
- # cows - TNTC (too numerous to count)
- # board exams passed - 2
- # Words with Friends games won - TNTC
- # blogs written - 0

S0 big deal - it's been quite a year. I also did the most adult thing I could possibly think of - started going to counseling/therapy. I affectionately call it "the rapy" because I take it hard in the feelings. But really, it's good for me. Be glad I am speaking vaguely in riddles to a stranger and not you. So far I am passive aggressive co-dependent INTJ. Sorry dont know how else to make therapy a joke.

I've completed 2 medical school rotations - not sure what to do yet. I feel like I need to get my mind made up. Passing boards was a big deal - I am lucky I have any hair left.

The pooper

As you could see from the pictures down below - Luke's wedding was a good time. I certainly had a blast - enjoyed seeing his old friends and meeting some of the new ones. There was one I kept hearing ask Luke to introduce us - I didn't think much about it because in fact he was very very drunk. Anyway - he was very drunk again at the reception the next night... so drunk he had that really really far away look that makes you wonder if you'll end up with some vomit on you.

After the reception most of us who weren't newly married went on to celebrate at the boys bachelor cabin. While there I just started crying - for no reason. Oh wait - the reason was I drank too much. THen the phone rang and it was the Lodge (the host of the wedding and reception) and they said... "Does anyone know Justin ____ ?" So I put down the phone and hollered to see if his friends would come forward. I knew it was the really drunk guy...anyway the woman on the phone "Well, he's passed out in the laundry room, and we were hoping some of his friends might be around to come take care of him. We've tried pouring water on him etc." Anyway, I found one friend of his that refused to leave the party and stop hitting on teenage girls (my cousins). So the job fell to someone else - not me, but that person is likely going to heaven.

A couple of weeks later I went to visit one of the other bridesmaids in AR. We got calls from the newlyweds and text messages saying - Lacey, there's a guy out there who has a crush on you, do you want us to call him - but he pooped his pants. Turns out there's a rumor that the guy who had passed out had also crapped his pants at some point during the wedding evening. So this all became too much and we decided to find out the source of the rumor - perhaps Gabe had just yelled at him calling him a pooper or he was found in the laundry amidst a mess of his own feces. I don't know. Regardless, the b-maid decided it would be fun to tell everyone that I had a date with a pooper. We went to a football party and she kept saying, "We have to leave because Lacey has a date with a pooper." Awesome...and there was no date with a pooper.

Cardiology?

My friend gave me an anatomical heart jello mold and this is the result, my heart on a platter. It wiggled and jiggled appropriately with a delicious cherry flavor.

More of the same...

Ah yes... I'm still alive looking less sharp and more like a slob. The dark under eye circles are darker and the moisturizer more expensive. It's second year and now we're doing more in the realm of actual clinical medicine - which means I get to find more diseases I might possibly have. The one I have my eye on is Von Willebrand Disease - it would mean that my platelets don't stick - and explain my easy bruising. The pathology professor (famous Dr. Goljan) said that 2 ladies in the room probably had it - and I'm dying to be one of them. The other fun part of school is that we're doing more shadowing, we have weekly fake patients on paper, and then live ones that pretend to have a chief complaint. I ended up with an 86yo gentleman who had some issues with dementia, lack of energy and a dribbly stream. Even though he took it all out of me - he won me over end the end by asking if I danced - and telling me that I could be his doctor one day! woot woot!!

I wish I could think of some more entertaining stories - I have a few tidbits from the bros...
- Chris...I went with him to purchase a new car. This meant that I had to be on good behavior and share my limited opinion because he was looking at Kia's and Chevy Cobalts and Impalas. Well the one he settled on was an electric blue chevy impala- a true pimp mobile complete with tinted windows. I test drove with him and the salesman. Chris chatted him up on current sales of the Cube and Altima (it was at a Nissan dealer) - and even mentioned he had once had an 88 Nissan Sentra. He explained that it was grandma's and she gave it to us after she couldn't drive it anymore. I nicely reminded him that we got it because she died. Woops. Some things are painful I guess.

-Luke...He is off in newly married man land - living the dual income life in Dallas. A couple weeks back I was drunk on a date and while the young man was in the restroom I checked my phone and noticed a message that Luke wanted to host me for thanksgiving. My dream thanksgiving - and Millie even said it would just be the three of us. I had fantasies of waking up and going shopping in Dallas at the Galleria. I liked the idea of just skipping all the fuss and forced family conversations. Well - after my fantasies ran wild - I found out that it was all a joke and I was pretty pissed. I told Mom - who was upset I'd want to do something else for tgiving - and then I told Millie I was peeved they'd taken advantage of me in my drunken and vulnerable state. She apologized and told me not to drink so much. Awesome.

- Gabe... He had surgery on his knee to clean out some debris a few weeks ago. He came to visit for a concert and was drunk the whole time and limping. In the shadows he looked like a return of the dead zombie that just wouldnt die - and rather than sucking your blood he wants all your beer. So I gave it to him. Anyway I recommend everyone do the same.

- Mom...Dad- Dad retired so Mom didn't. All this means is that we will finally feel the effects of the recession. Ugh. I like to spend my free time thinking of possible retirement jobs for him. My best fit so far is Limo Driver. Other fantasies include Self Service Frozen Yogurt franchise owner. Traveling Fair food vendor. He thinks he wants to substitute teach - I think he would be eaten alive. He knows that Wal-Mart greeter is always an option - though he'd probably prefer Sams because he's run into some experienced retirees there.

- Me... ???? I'll see what I can think up.

Back to studying

I've been back in the habit of school for a month or so now... it's not fun, I promise. I'm a stress management group leader, maybe not the best role model. Anyhow, I baked them (first year med students) a cake before their anatomy test. Here is a fun picture showing how it turned out. I secretly want to be a cake designer if all this doesn't work out... I think I'd have a ways to go.

Best of...Rehearsal Dinner Edition

The lovely couple shown here are quite literally close to my heart. My little bro and his fiance made it official in a remote mountainous setting this weekend. It was the biggest little wedding there ever was with parties going all night long, hot tubs with barely any water left, and young teenagers pissing the night away. I wanted to share the highlights of what people missed of the rehearsal dinner.

• Lacey and Blythe serving drinks to persons who think we can control the fact that there is no more ice to chill the white wine. We quickly learned that Franzia's new spigot spews at an angle. Note that Franzia also makes a Sangria that is quite tasty.
  

• The sexy photo taking began instantly - the windblown sexy look a la bathroom hand dryer - the marshmallow in my cheek look - and many more

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• We applied portraits of the bride and groom to all body parts. Sarah got a tatoo of baby lukey. I had the pictures on my boobs, bum, and anywhere else.
  
  

• People drinking out of frisbees, slamming wine bags, floating kegs and exposing chests.
  




• There is a new ribbon in town - it stands for SINGLEHOOD AWARENESS!! (That's the ribbob on my wrist, the black dots stand for all the good people out there not getting any)










• There's nothing like finding out when shower fresh turns stale